Prague: Before and After

Prague: The city of a thousand spires, faces, and languages. Coming back home from Prague was a bittersweet moment. I would return to the place where I grew up but I would have to leave a place where my heart had built a home. The song “Love Song for a City” came to my mind as I took my last tram ride home in Prague. I remember trying to change the lyrics to fit Prague and all the great memories I had there.

Its kind of hard to put into words what happened to me while I was abroad, but others can see it. Maybe it was that I grew a beard and my hair got shaggy. Or perhaps it was my new affinity for sweaters (which I’ve hated for years.). Those are changes that did happen, alas those are just the surface.

Before Prague I was a baby bird just looking over the edge of the nest. I could see the world and hear it and sense it, but I was not a part of it. I was trapped in a cage of comfort and security. I was so fearful of change and risk I was content with living a half-life of zero conflict, zero chaos. Convinced utterly that by not doing anything at all I could remain safe and happy at the same time I stayed still and stagnant. In a sense I was dry-rotting.

Prague however was the cataclysm needed to give me wings. Being thrown into a totally foreign environment with just the basics gave me the opportunity to grow because I had no safe haven. I couldn’t just go home, I couldn’t just curl up and wish away my challenges. I had to face what came at me. I had to rise up to the challenge or be crushed by the onrushing water and suffer the rapids until they calmed enough for me to drag my battered body out.

I was asked in a survey near the end of my study abroad program, “What is your favorite memory from your time abroad?” I couldn’t answer it at first because every memory was my favorite memory. For me I figured my best memories were yet to come. I had grown so much that I had so much to look forward to returning home. Again, even I can’t find the exact words of how I changed, but I can feel it in my body, my mind, my soul. Perhaps it’s an understanding that life is a balance of peace and chaos, not one or the other. Perhaps it’s my new found drive for school, or my newly chosen major. Perhaps it’s even my new found enjoyment of slivovice. I cannot place any one point on how or what changed, but I know I did, and I know I changed for the better.

What I Learned Abroad (Silly)

With less than two weeks left in my time abroad I thought I would share some of the things I have learned during my time.

1. Two weeks staying in a country is the amount of time needed before it is acceptable to bitch about tourists.
2. Wool is the best clothing material ever for everyone above the Mason-Dixon Line, including people in foreign countries.
3. If you are Polish, don’t try to find something in the Czech Republic otherwise you might end up seeing someone’s penis.
4. Czech Beer is the best beer. Suck it Germany.
5. Czech beer will sneak up on you if you don’t pace yourself.
6. There is nothing more terrifying than  being yelled at by an old lady who speaks a language you don’t understand.
7. Czechs are the kings of the subtle diss.
8. Sweaters are pretty fly.
9.  It is very easy to  be confused with a local if you have heritage from the region (So many people started speaking to me in casual Czech cause I look kind of like one.)
10. Fuck Stairs.(I’m looking at you Vysehrad)
11.  Casual Existential Despair is a normal thing.
12. Seriously, wool clothing is amazing.
13. Entry, Exit, and Bathroom are all way too similar in the Czech language (vchod, vychod, zachod)
14. Electrified cattle fences are extremely painful.
15. Your left eyelid will start to twitch if you have a vitamin deficiency from lack of eating leafy green vegetables.
16. Taste first, ask later.
17. Franz Kafka, after reading all his short stories, ends up sounding like a whiny bitch.
18. You  can add layers if you’re cold, but there is only so much clothing you can take off before it is illegal
19. Slivovice fixes everything.

Magic still exists

Think about how many people are in the city at this moment. Then, think about how many people are in the continent. Lastly, think about how many people there are in the world.

. . .

Lot of people right?

Now think about what you value in a person; Their features, their traits, their personality. Think about what you would want in a friend. And I mean in detail, not just that they play the same sport as you. Like, what do you value in your best friends? Every detail and quirk.

Compare all of these friends and pull out just what things they share in common.

. . .

Have the set of details in common?

Good.

Take that list and compare it to all possibilities of what people might like and be like. The millions on millions of permutations available to us as humans of interests, emotions, and temperaments.

Now realize how scarce your list of things you value in a person in comparison to how many different kinds of people there are. Realize that even though 50,000 people might share the values you want in a friend, 50,000 is microscopic compared to 7.5 Billion. And then consider how large the world is and how those 50,000 might be spread across thousands of miles and never ever be able to run into each other.

The fact that you find one person who has the values you want, are physically attractive, and available is magic. The fact that in this sea of billions of people you find the person that makes your heart dance and leap and cry is magic.

Scientists keep trying to find the formula to make long lasting relationships, but I know it’s a hopeless pursuit. Magic is in the world and it’s called love.

Bernie Sanders won’t win either way…

My fellow peers of age (I’m 20) all seem to think Bernie Sanders is the greatest thing to happen to this country since it was founded. His authenticity and vigor energize them into an idealistic frenzy that makes them feel he can and will change America for the better. I believed his hype for a while too. What college kid doesn’t want free college, healthcare, and major social reform? Regardless of the logistical problems that belie those changes there is one larger problem that Obama himself faced, and its a problem that I believe should be dealt with as soon as possible.

All the candidates promise and pontificate on how and what they will do to fix this country, but the people forget the massive fucking roadblock in the candidate’s ways. The House and Congress. Sure, the president has the veto power and all that other jazz, but our main functioning legislative bodies are the House of Representatives and Congress and both have been bickering like children over whose king of the playground. They are the reason for stagnation in our legislature, not the president.

If Bernie Sanders (or anyone for that matter) gets elected, his ideas will have to face the House and Congress before going into effect, and with the both bodies so highly polarized along party lines neither of them would be willing to go against their party for the sake of the betterment of this country.

The House and Congress have forgotten who they exist for, the people and residents of the United States of America. With how they are acting it feels false to say we are a united body. They care more about their own beliefs that than of the people they supposedly represent. They are no longer, by the people, of the people, and for the people. They exist for themselves right now.

To my peers, if you want a political revolution don’t look at the president, look at your state representatives, look at your neighboring state’s representatives. You want change? Change them, change how they function, change them from being selfish gang leaders to the megaphone of you and your allies.

We need to put both the House and Congress back into their rightful place. Term limits, restrictions about what they can do for themselves, the ability for the people to impeach/expel congressmen they feel are not doing what they should.

Now I realize just how idealistic I sound. This isn’t something that happens overnight. This will take decades, if not more, to change. Congress and the House have had time to hunker down and let their roots grow far and deep. But if we start now, maybe we can save our nation from sinking.

The people of the USA are passengers of a car driven by a drunk driver. That driver is the House and Congress. If we don’t fix this soon, we are going to end up as modern art wrapped around a tree.

 

We were rebels when we started, our country needs us to be rebels again.

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Here is a website that gives you the phone numbers of all congressional members currently in power. Use it as you will.

http://www.contactingthecongress.org/

Life Rules: Part 2 of X

Rule #5

No city was built without a team. No president got elected purely on his own. Everyone, including you, have people who have helped you along the way to where you are now. You might know some of these people. Perhaps they are your best friend or relative maybe even a teacher. But there are also someone you might not think of having helped you. Like your ex who taught you to perhaps value yourself more than suffering through a bad relationship. Or that jag off who inspired you to be awesome because they said you would never make something yourself.
The point of this is that we all have help getting to wherever we are. Take time to thank those people who shaped you, taught you, and cared for you. Behind ever great film there is an army of people working together to make it shine.

 

Rule 6#: Say fuck it. A lot.

Seriously, half of the things I have gotten done in my life were finished because I said fuck it, let’s just do it. When I was depressed I said fuck it, be happy. When I was struggling with motivation I said fuck it, just do it. When people said I wouldn’t continue on with this blog I said fuck it. When I told myself I would never finish high school I said fuck it. There is an old gamer saying, “If it’s getting harder, you’re going in the right direction.”

Rule 7#: Seek and You Will Find

If you look for happiness you will find happy things. It you look for upsetting things you will find upsetting things. Whatever you chase after you will most likely find. For balance, seek neither. There is an ancient Buddhist proverb, “You must be like a seed in the soil. Accepting the rain, but not controlling it.” You will find what you want, no matter how awful the thing you are looking for may be.

 

Choose Laughter Over Misery

I have seen a lot of messed up things in my life. A lot of pain and heartache has crossed my path and it has done something to me. It has made me laugh.

Laugh….?

Yes, I said laugh. You see you have a choice (Though occasionally not an easy one) when you are faced with pain. You can let it devour you or you can laugh it off.
To most people I have a twisted sense of humor. I have laughed at everything from disorder jokes to dead baby jokes, 9/11 jokes to Charlie Hebdo jokes and most people would think less of me because of that. They call me insensitive or cynical or just plain asshole. But they fail to see my point of view.

Humor is above and beyond one of the best medicines in the world. It’s an antidepressant, crying-interrupter, argument stopper (quack quack), and much more. It helps bridge that gaping maw of pain we see in the face of tragedy or hardship. It shatters the tension of difficult topics like racism and sex.

I laugh because it helps me process the pain I see. I could choose to let tragedies muck me down, or I could use humor to cheer up the others around me and help us heal from the pains.

I have often said to my family, “I don’t want a somber funeral. I want a Benny Hill, an end of the world party, a happy, silly, funny, funeral.” I would much rather have people laugh through their pain than soak in it.

So the next time someone makes a seemingly insensitive joke, take a brief moment and look at their point of view. Yes, I know there are those people who are in fact just assholes, but there are some of them who are just trying to work through the pain.

Methylphinedate… There’s a reason it sounds like meth.

Soapbox time.

This is my first semester in college. I have already been asked by 3 separate individuals to sell my ADHD drugs to them so they can study better. I don’t know about you, but I find that super messed up. People are trying to buy my drugs without which I could not function properly for the sake that the school system judges us only on how well we take tests.

As someone who takes these drugs everyday let me enlighten you to possible complications/side effects possible from these. Heart Problems first and foremost: I have to take EKGs every year to make sure my heart is ok.

Hyperactivity: If you are unlike me and don’t suffer from ADHD most drugs used in treatment of it will lead to hyperactivity and sleeplessness. These drugs are stimulants, they react differently to those of us who have ADHD and in fact calm us down. This is why I say there is a reason these drugs sound like meth.

Heart Problems Part 2: If I take too much, my drugs can cause my heart to over pump and even stop.

STOP TAKING THESE DRUGS UNLESS YOU ACTUALLY NEED THEM.

 

Self Help

We are going to do an exercise in learning how awesome you are.

Take a piece of paper and a pencil and sit where you are comfortable. Now on that piece of paper write everything positive about you. Keep writing until the piece of paper is full. It doesn’t matter if things are similar, just keep writing until that paper is covered in what is awesome about you.

Now take that piece of paper and put it in your wallet, purse, pocket, and keep it there everyday, and read it everyday. Add to it. Expand it. But most importantly remember that what you have written is true.

Life rules: Forgiveness

Special edition of this in response to certain life events of mine.

Rule #4 in my book?

Forgive.

Sometimes people can be complete and total assholes to you. Sometimes they treat you so bad you don’t want them in your life anymore. And that’s ok; to cut someone out because they hurt you, but don’t resent them once you cut them out.

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I have a problem with grudges. I hold a lot of them sometimes because a lot of people think its ok to walk all over you when you’re as passive as I am. The thing about these grudges is, is that for some reason you think they will help you, or fill some gap in your life. But after many many grudges rising and fading I can confidently say, never ever will holding a grudge help you. Nelson Mandela said it best, “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”

The quote is the perfect metaphor. You stew in all things negative whenever you hold a grudge. Jealousy, wrath, pride, all of these affect you when you resent someone. You hate these people, but only dissolve yourself in the acid of negativity. It can be hard, and sometimes damn near impossible to forgive people in your life. Even in the midst of that strain and hardship you should forgive people. If you don’t think you can forgive someone you should, know that there is scientifically proven correlation between forgiving and forgetting. I.e. if you forgive someone of a transgression it will help facilitate your brain in forgetting what happened. So do it solely for inner peace if nothing else.

As a sufferer of severe depression I can also say that holding the grudges I did was like giving my murderer the gun to shoot me with. Negativity breeds negativity. Keeping that hate pent up inside me only made my depression worse and even crippled me somedays.

So I ask you, “Are there people in your life that you should forgive?”
And I don’t mean that person who stole your parking space last week. I mean is there anybody who caused borderline irreparable damage to you that you should forgive?

To the people who know I hated/disliked them, for whatever crimes or tricks you committed against me, I forgive you.

My life rules: Part 1 of X

Take chances

I have lived most of my life as a coward. I’m not afraid to admit that (no pun intended). But as I got older I saw all these moments in my past where I wish I hadn’t been so scared and that I had taken the plunge. However the outcome might have been, good or bad, having done something would’ve been much more interesting. It’s a terrible feeling looking back and wishing you had done things differently.
Of all the words in the English language, the worst are “it might have been”
So rule 1#: Take chances. You don’t have to do it every time, but at least be sure to do it occasionally. Life gets dull when your day consists of a rinse repeat cycle with no moments to break the monotony. Life is not meant to be a straight smooth line. It’s supposed to be a rollercoaster track with loops, turns, twists, drops and skyrockets!

 

 

Always carry a knife. (Where legally applicable)

This I have borrowed from a TV show character, because I believe it has incredible merit. Knives are among the most versatile of tools. You can use it as a screwdriver, a pry bar, to cut things, etc. It is a simple necessity in my opinion. I have had my hide saved on multiple occasions because I had my knife on me, and not like I was getting mugged or anything.
I was once at an event where someone kicked a paint bucket over and the paint went everywhere. This was a formal event; plenty of expensive things that could be ruined very easily with a bit of paint. There wasn’t a janitor or a cleaning services person around. I however had my knife on me. I managed to run into the bathroom and pry open a paper towel dispenser. With paper towels in hand I rushed back and was able to clean it all up before anything got damaged.
So rule 2#: always carry a knife (where legally applicable)

Never make decisions in an emotionally compromised state.

Remember that awfully hurtful thing you said when you were angry at your friend? Or that text you sent to your ex because you were sad and perhaps a little drunk? You probably regret those. Which is why I point you to my above rule. Don’t make decisions when emotionally compromised.
Emotions are great, if properly controlled and supervised. If not, they are the psychotic ex that decided an appropriate response to y’all breaking up would be to set your closet on fire (you know the one I’m talking about). All life choices and social choices should be made in a calm state of mind because when they are not regret is usually hiding around the corner.

This will be a series of posts, each listing three rules I would consider valuable to most age groups. But as with all my advice, recognize I’m a faceless person behind a computer screen. So take it more as guidelines instead of gospel.